quick update…more to follow later…

Last Friday, I went on a pseudo-blind date with one of the guys from eH.  Summary:  He’s Chinese, tall, is an analyst for popular Japanese car company, and as far as I can tell, is pro-Jesus, and nice, possibly an introvert, in which case I probably exhausted him with my incessant conversation.  I’ll add more details tomorrow or something.  Hopefully, I’ve now appeased the condemnation that WC was feeling towards me last week.  See?  I went on a date.

The other thing that happened was that I got another match that I know.  Ok, that I’ve met before, while I was on the Skid Row date a few years ago.  Skid Row date is a funny story…that’s probably the highlight of that experience, the story I get to tell, and maybe the free dinner.  Anyway, this match is actually one of the guy friends of my date at the time.  And he was 100 times cooler and funnier than my date…actually, everybody was cooler and funnier than my date.  Sad.  I’m curious to know if this guy remembers that we’ve met.  I guess we’ll have to see.

STATS:

• closed matches – 164
• communicating in various stages – 10
• random matches i’m not sure what to do with – 27
• funny stories regarding profiles and pictures – too many

the closed matches

Ok, so eH has stages of communication.  Matches are delivered to your e-mail inbox and you get to look over profiles and pictures, if they’re posted.  Either party can begin the communication process.  Much like in real life, I make no moves.  I know WC and others would tell me to iniate contact, but 28 years of conditioning cannot be undone overnight.  Anyway, I previously mentioned first step is sending 5 pre-written multiple choice questions.  Some examples include:

• Which of the following marriage issues do you fear most?
• Which of the following indoor activities sounds like the most fun to you?
• What best describes your parents’ relationship towards each other?
• How often do you lose your temper?
• Which of the following quirks would bother you most about your partner?
• How often do you find yourself laughing?

Then it’s the list of “must haves” and “can’t stands” and after that, you ask 3 short answer questions and once you pass that, it’s “open communication” which is just basically sending e-mail like messages through eH.  From there on, you and your match decide if you want to move to phone calls or meeting in person.  It’s really all kind of weird.  They’re really total strangers.  I can already feel the awkwardness rising.

Ok, so back to the 36 year-old Asian guy…  During my chance to ask my own short answer questions, I straight up asked if his focus on the physical was in the context of marriage or any relationship.  The other two questions were randomly selected from a list.  Here’s my question:

• I noticed in your questions and must haves/can’t haves that physical intimacy seemed to be pretty important (interested in regular sex/exploring sexual desires) – is that in the context of marriage or any dating relationship?

Highlights from his answer (so I don’t completely violate his privacy…)

• used to be completely opposed to pre-marital sex, but has since learned how important sexual compatibility is
  
• importance of physical intimacy is mostly in marriage
  
• would be willing to think about exploring things if my partner were interested
  
• doesn’t just sleep around with anyone
  
• respects my decisions to not sleep around (gee…thanks…)

My next move was to hit the “Close Match” button.  He’s old…and creepy.  Gross.

Ok, so I’ve closed…57 matches.  I am currently “communicating” with 17.  I’ve been filtering them out slowly as new matches that seem more…compatible…show up.  Is that wrong?  Seriously, some of the pictures I’m seeing in profiles…I’m just NOT attracted to them…AT ALL.  And height…I have problems when the listed height is under 5′6″ (because I’m 5′5″).  There is one match that GK is championing who’s 5′4″.  He seems pretty cool and I was on the phone with one of my former roommates and jokingly asked JCY if she or her husband knew him because he’s Chinese and lives where they live.  Turns out…they DO know him.  So, for GK, who is about to birth some babies, I will follow up with this match.  Is communicating with 17 too many?  I mean, how open is “being open”?  Giving everybody who requests communication a chance?  Or, only the cute ones with promising profiles?  And, is it wrong to close a match mid-process because someone seemingly better comes along?

Ok, so to summarize some of the folks I’ve closed:

• White cattle rancher/pheasant farmer/truck driver – uh…what?  cattle rancher!  What’s up, eH?  Really?  I made a judgment call and closed this match.
• Chinese EE – He’s been in the US for 15 years.  He likes to watch Asian/Chinese TV shows…  He looks like a nice guy, but I don’t think I’d mesh well with a fobby guy.
• White videographer/producer – sparse profile and way too many photos that he’d taken of himself shirtless…  He wasn’t bad looking, but the photos were incredibly narcissistic
• White cosmetologist/salon owner – I think this one is self-explanatory.
• Asian driver (Your guess is as good as mine…) – This is what he wanted matches to knwo about him:  “I like to fly and be harmony and tranquility with others.”  Eh?
• Japanese unemployed, but possibly starting a business guy – He seemed nice, and I participated in a couple of steps, but I started work this week and haven’t given eH as much time, and he “nudged” me.  I think the persistence made me run the other way.  Also, I didn’t feel any remote interest in his profile or picture.
• Korean seminary student/youth pastor – just not interested in his profile
• White guy in the window industry – I’m not sure what that means and his profile was almost non-existent.
• Latino DOJ guy – He looked old…and scary.
• Asian business owner/former engineer – He just has the typical LA Asian guy who probably drives a rice rocket look.  And, he seemed really into gardening.  It’s not like I know my type, but I’m pretty sure he isn’t it.
• Multiracial Creole, British, Spanish guy – He was more Eddie Griffin than Taye Diggs.

Some of the matches who’ve closed me:

• White stuntman/motion actor – He’s like my age and already divorced because his wife cheated on him.  So sad…  He was actually pretty cute, but I don’t think I can deal with that kind of emotional baggage.  I have enough issues of my own.
• White fireman – Being a fireman was probably the most interesting thing about him.
• Multiracial analyst – He chose “other” as the reason for closing the match.  WC finds this reason amusing because it makes her wonder about the real reason.
• White writer/production intern – Reason, also “other”.  He wears tight t-shirts and vamps like Zoolander for the camera.
• White real estate agent – Reason, “no photo”, which I can’t blame him for because I’m hesitant about the ones that don’t have photos.

Next time, the matches who might have some potential.

sneak preview

I promise to make a stronger effort to update regularly.  It’s late and I need to sleep, but I felt compelled to at least give a mini-update/preview.  Basically, eH was super fascinating for the first week, then I sort of stopped checking and felt no compulsion to reply to communication requests.  But, in the interest of making the three month subscription worthwhile, I have once again allowed matches to be sent.  I stopped receiving matches for a little bit because I was overwhelmed and slightly (ok…VERY) critical of some of the matches I’d already received.  Also, at the behest of MJK and GK, I have widened the match settings to include their people group.  They were appalled that I was previously excluding their people group.  What can I say, Asian parents are sometimes irrationally (or rationally) prejudiced against other Asians.

Anyway, I have received an abundance of matches that are white guys.  Now, I know it’s not exactly fair, but I always have to ask/wonder if the white guys are of the “creepy white guy with creepy asian girl fetish” variety.  I know you can’t necessarily tell from a few photos and some profile text, but it’s a valid concern.  More details on these matches to come.  Plus, an update on creepy 36 year-old asian guy for next time.

hello, online dating!

I’m on winter break and no visit home would be complete without people asking about my non-existent dating life.  Not being married and not dating at 28 years old seems to bring me a few steps closer to being “crazy cat lady,” or so I’m told.  In the name of preventing my descent into cat ownership, I’ve been signed up for an online dating service for the next three months, courtesy of my cousins and their husbands.  I’ll reference the dating service as “eH” for the next three months.

Day 1-4 Cast of Characters:  WC (cousin), JC (her husband), CL (cousin), DL (her husband), CW (friend who trained it down from Seattle)

It started with an insanely long questionnaire filled with questions I had to answer about myself, rating things on a scale of 1 to 7.  After what seemed like hours of WC and JC asking and helping assess my personality for answers (while CL and DL threw in their thoughts), I caved and took over answering the questions myself.  Can I just say that it was hard to answer some of these questions about myself and it was actually helpful to have third parties do some of the evaluating.  The fam does not pull any punches in their assessments; they’ll tell you what they really think…and then some.  :)  So, we finish the questionnaire and submit it.  The eH super computers do their matchy thing and hours later, I see way too many e-mails in my inbox notifying me of my new matches.

It was kind of overwhelming to start looking at these profiles of people that I’m supposedly compatible with.  It’s like window shopping, but without the visuals.  At this point, we hadn’t actually become paying subscribers, so we could read profiles, but were denied pictures.  Boo.  While reading profiles, I learned two things: 1.) bad writing/typing/grammar really bothers me and I’m thinking you can tell things about a person based on how they communicate the content of their profile and 2.) I’m shallow.  Ok, the second thing isn’t a new thing, but how  good-looking they are can add to, or take away from, all the written stuff.  So, a few days later, I become a paying member of eH and gain access to the photos.  There are a whole lot of white guys in the matches list.  Three of them look older than their listed ages.  Seriously.  One guy looked closer to my dad’s age than the 37 listed on his profile.

I promptly decided to “close” the 35, 36, and 37 year-old white guys – not because they were white, just because they seemed too old for me.  Next, I changed the age range and brought it down to 33, or was it 34?  Just to be clear, I wasn’t the one who set up the initial age range, that was all WC.  A couple of matches “closed” me – one reason was because I had no photo, and the other guy chose “other.”  I guess none of the given reasons fit.  I have already used “other” several times because the listed reasons didn’t fit, or because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  The real reason is that their profiles just didn’t seem all that interesting, and while that is one of the listed reasons, it just seemed like it could be taken as, “You’re not interesting and your profile is lame.”  These first round of matches honestly didn’t seem very promising.   But, WC said to give them a chance.  Next thing I know, she’s wanting to get rid of matches left and right.  We spent some time browsing the profiles of the matches.  Sigh…

Some Matches:

• one asian guy had a profile picture in which he was wearing a fanny pack – fanny pack!
• another asian guy posted a picture of himself sitting in an arm chair on a granny-looking, crocheted, flowery blanket, reading manga/an asian comic book, with a cat on his legs  (I’m super allergic to cats.  Plus, I am not a cat person.)
• a third asian guy almost seemed to have a normal profile, but then he goes on to mention how his fingertips are allergic to dust and get itchy and red – To that I say, “…”  Uh, what?  Just your fingertips are allergic to dust?  Really?  And why would you mention that on your profile, your first impression?  If it was like a quirky thing, it could’ve been cute.  Having sensitive fingertips is not a quirk, and therefore, NOT cute.

So anyway, eH has these steps that help you communicate/contact your match.  Anyone can make the first move by sending five multiple choice questions.  I don’t make moves in real life, so I’m not making any first moves online either, at least for now.  Several matches send questions my way and I picked some pre-written A-D answers and wrote a few of my own E answers.  On Day 1 and 2, answering the questions was kind of nerve-racking at first because I felt like I was going to be judged on my answers.  Now, I’m feeling more like whatever.

Have I mentioned the 36 year-old asian guy?  After going through the 1st round of questions, you then send your list of 10 must-haves/10 can’t-stands about a your potential boyfriend/girlfriend, basically, your dealbreakers.  While I did not find this guy attractive at all, I answered his communication request in the spirit of being open-minded, because I’m always being chastised for being so close-minded about potential guys.  I so should’ve gone with my instincts.  Of the five 1st round questions he sent, two were related to physical intimacy:

• How do you feel about premarital sex?
• Do you consider yourself physically affectionate when involved in a relationship?

Oh wait, it gets better.  I answered his questions, sent questions of my own, read his answers, then send my dealbreakers list, and got his in return.  One of his “must haves” is “passionate...I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.”  One of the “can’t stands” is “uninterested…I can’t stand someone who does not enjoy having sex on a regular basis.”  The sentences are pre-written by eH, but does anyone else see a pattern here?  At this point, I thought about just closing the match, but now I’m just operating on morbid curiosity.  The next step in communicating is to send a 2nd round of open-ended questions of your own creation or you can choose from eH’s list.  I straight up asked him if his priority for physical intimacy/sex was in the context of marriage or any random relationship.  I thought I’d go for the jugular on this one.  I mean, who asks these kinds of questions to total strangers, especially given that these are first impressions?  Needless to say, I’ll be closing this match ASAP, though I’ll wait until after I get to read the answers to my questions.  This guy’s “eww” factor is high.

Ok, more eH another day.  Stay tuned…